As I thought further about my recent post about marrying my body, I wondered what is really the hard part of this for me? What about the commitment to love my body do I find the most challenging. And I remember that passage from the bible that is so often read during wedding services. You know, the one that begins, “Love is patient. Love is kind.” And it occurred to me that right now, I’m doing okay with the kindness part of living in my body. But the patient part, not so much.
It is so hard being patient with our bodies. Especially when we are hurt or sick. I have definitely been losing patience with my current illness. And so one day, I thought I would just muscle through. I would just do the stuff I did when I wasn’t sick. I would suck it up and power through. I did all of that. And I paid for it. Oh dear God I paid for it, with interest. After two days of barely being able to move again, I thought maybe a different approach was in order. Maybe I should, you know, do the stuff I tell other people to do all the time. Maybe I should figure out the gentlest and most gradual way possible to go forward and do that.
Except I suck at patience. I mean I really, REALLY suck at it. I want to be better TODAY. I want to be able to plow through and using will power alone be perfectly healthy right now. The idea that I am still in pain and struggling at this point is INCONCEIVABLE!
But I am. Why is it that I can have so much patience for helping other people with their struggles and helping them find a gentle and loving and gradual way through and be so utterly bad at it myself? This is not my first rodeo. I’ve dealt with chronic pain before. I should be better at it by now.
Except it is really, really hard. I am so very glad that we have our RASCAL challenge starting on Sunday. I’m really looking forward to picking just one or two kind things I can do for myself each day to feel better. I am looking forward to making kindness and self-care my agenda and my to do list for a while. And I am blessed beyond blessed to have a loving family and all of you great people to help me get there.
So even though I’m happily married to my body, I’m willing to admit that we are going through a bit of a rough patch. We’re working through our troubles. I just try to continually remind myself body love is patient, body love is kind.
Jeanette DePatie (AKA The Fat Chick)
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