Yesterday, in our talk about stepping out, we discussed the notion that often you don’t know what’s in a person’s head, so you might as well imagine they are thinking well of you. But what happens when you think somebody is mean spirited and nasty and then they open their big mouths and remove all doubt?

In our not so genteel society, sometimes people are going to say nasty things.  If they don’t say them to you in person, they will certainly say them online in comments or on Facebook.  They may moo as you walk past or yell something like, “Just put down the cheeseburger!”  At some point in life it happens to all of us.

And that’s really the first step to recognizing that it happens to all of us.  Short, tall, round, thin–everybody gets something nasty yelled at them at some point.  Heck you can’t even be the president without worrying about somebody throwing a shoe at you.  The amazing Ragen Chastain gets so much nastiness thrown at her, she created a separate blog to contain some of the more ridiculous comments.  And even if you were model thin, and rich, and drove a fancy car, people would find reasons to hate on you.  Maybe they would find even more.

That’s because, believe it or not, the actions of haters really have nothing to do with you.  It’s about them.  It’s about them feeling jealous or inadequate or lonely or insecure.  It’s about them desperately trying to recapture their lost mojo by peeing in your pool.  And since you can’t fix the whole world, sometimes you just gotta accept that haters are gonna hate.  Bless them, and move on.  Sometimes I talk to them and give them a piece of my mind first if I’m feeling feisty.  But ultimately, after I’ve had my talk with them, I say, “Bless their hearts” and then move on.

Is it easy?  Oh my goodness, no.  It’s really hard.  And I know sometimes all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.  But then, from a practical standpoint, I really don’t want to let that hater win.  I don’t want to reenforce that crappy behavior, and I don’t want to give that creep that kind of power over me.  So when I feel down, I go read Ragen’s hate mail and realize I’m not alone.  I call a good friend, get dressed up and go have coffee or an adult beverage somewhere fabulous.  I pull out my positive artwork and read some of the great things my friends have recently said online.

Because at the end of the day, my little chicklettes, you can only control your reaction to the world.  You can only focus on being fiercely and completely yourself.  Because at the end of the day, haters are gonna hate.

Love,

The Fat Chick