*Loud record scratch noise*

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog to make this public service announcement.  Apparently a woman in North Dakota called into a local radio station saying that she will hand trick-or-treaters that she deems too fat a letter along with their candy.  The thin kids will just get candy.  After the interview, she emailed a copy of the letter she plans to send along to the radio station.

Want to know what the letter will say?  Here it is in all its glory:

Happy Halloween and Happy Holidays Neighbor! [Picture of a cute pumpkin]

You are probably wondering why your child has this note; have you ever heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”?  I am disappointed in “the village” of Fargo Moorhead, West Fargo.

Your child is in my opinion moderately obese and should not be consuming sugar and treats to the extent of some children this Halloween season.

My hope is that you will step up as a parent and ration candy this Halloween and not allow your child to continue these unhealthy eating habits.

Thanks!

Yup,  apparently this woman called into a radio station (anonymously) and claimed she would be handing these letters out to the fat kids this year.  She won’t tell us her full name or where her house is.  There is no way for a parent to avoid this house with their kids because nobody [as yet] knows where she lives.  But she says she’s going to do this, because, “It takes a village, people!”.

I guess nobody told her that she’s been designated the village idiot and thus probably won’t be put in charge of the welfare of the village children this year.

This whole thing is so appalling, I frankly had a hard time figuring out where to start.  So I guess we’ll start at the beginning of this amazingly articulate missive.  *Insert eye roll here.*

It begins “Happy Halloween and Happy Holidays Neighbor”.  Because nothing says “happy holidays” quite like shaming your child in front of his peers and offering unsolicited and uninformed opinions on your parenting skills.  But that’s okay because I’ve got crappy clip art of a jack o’ lantern here, see?  And the jack o’ lantern is smiling so that means I’m being nice.

“You are probably wondering why you are receiving this note;”  Yes indeed.  I am wondering why you decided to send a judgmental and shame-filled letter home with any child.  Since we all know that shame doesn’t make kids healthier, happier or thinner, I would  really like to know why you thought it was okay to do that to a kid in front of her peers.  Given the fact that shaming kids tends to lead to unhealthy behaviors including binge eating, drug use, alcohol abuse, smoking and eating disorders, I would really like to know what made you think this was okay.

The letter goes on, “have you ever heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child?”  Yes I’ve heard this saying, but I’m pretty sure it means something different than you think it does.

Then the letter says, “I am disappointed in “the village” of Fargo Moorhead, West Fargo.”  To which I would respond.  Well I am too.  If the village contains judgmental people like you who think that, based solely on a child’s appearance you have the right to shame that kid in front of his friends and send an anonymous letter to the parents telling them that they don’t know how to raise him, I think our “village” has a problem.

Okay, this next line makes me incandescent with rage.  She says, “Your child is in my opinion moderately obese and should not be consuming sugar and treats to the extent of some children this Halloween season.”  O.M.G.  First of all, how exactly are you determining that the child tips the scales as “moderately obese”.  Are you measuring height and weight and calculating B.M.I. on the fly?  Are you pulling some skin calipers out of your “candy cauldron” and doing a little skin fold testing there on your front porch?   Or are you basing your calculations on which kids are chubby in a way that insults your delicate sensibilities?  Oh wait, I forgot.  It says it’s your opinion.  Did I ask your opinion?  Did anyone?  No?  That my dear villager is a sign you should Just. Shut. Up.

But the last sentence of the letter is the real kicker.  She closes by saying, “My hope is that you will step up as a parent and ration candy this Halloween and not allow your child to continue these unhealthy eating habits.”  It is unbelievable how many unsubstantiated assumptions this woman is able to cram into one little sentence.  It assumes that the parent is not doing their job.  It assumes that the child has unhealthy eating habits.  It assumes that the parents don’t ration candy.  It assumes that the parent is unaware that the child is chubby and is somehow negligent as a parent.   Does she know this because she knows the child and the family and the situation?  Does she have a crystal ball that shows definitively, in each particular situation what is happening in that child and family’s life?  Does she know if the kid is taking medications that make weight gain more likely?  Does she know if the kid has a metabolic disorder?  Does she know if the kid has just lost a parent or is coping with unbridled bullying at school? Or is she spewing hate all based on the fact that Tammy’s tutu is a little too tight?

And she closes with the word “Thanks”.  Yes, and let me also offer my thanks.

Thanks for shaming kids in front of their friends.  I’m sure that will make everything better.

Thanks for taking the one holiday of the year which is really about kids having fun and wrecking it for them.

Thanks for offering your completely unsolicited and unsubstantiated, bitchy and judgmental opinions on people’s parenting skills based on your personal prejudice.

Thanks for making kids cry.

Thanks for increasing the chances these kids will turn to drugs, alcohol, tobacco or an eating disorder, because everyone knows, a fun-sized Snickers bar is the worst thing in the world.

Thanks so much for staying anonymous while you are bullying kids.  Because nothing says, “It takes a village” quite like putting on a mask and lobbing fireballs at children from behind a wall at a safe distance.

The kicker has to be the moment in the radio interview when asked by the hosts of the show why she didn’t give out toys or stickers instead of candy.  Our protagonist, who identified herself only as Cheryl, said she didn’t want to be the “mean lady” in the neighborhood.

Um.  I’m sorry.  That’s not what you meant.

What you really meant is that you only wanted to be mean to the FAT kids, so that makes it okay.

Trick or Treat is supposed to mean give me a treat or I’ll play a trick on you.  All I can say, is that if this woman actually follows through and hands out these letters, she is likely to face some pretty staunch retribution. #theVillageTPdYourHouse.  I think she might find the village throwing eggs at her very fragile glass house.

Love,

Jeanette DePatie

AKA The Fat Chick